13 Clear Signs of Low Self-Esteem: What You Need to Know

October 14, 2025 deskablog 23 min read

Have you ever wondered if the voice in your head is a little too harsh? You’re not alone. Research shows that about 85% of us struggle with self-doubt at some point in our lives. Low self-esteem affects how we see ourselves and how we move through the world. It can touch every part of our lives – from our relationships to our careers to our mental health.

Low self-esteem isn’t just about having a bad day or feeling down sometimes. It’s a pattern of thinking and feeling that makes us question our worth. When we struggle with low self-esteem, we often see ourselves in a negative light, even when others see our strengths clearly.

Understanding the signs of low self-esteem is the first step toward feeling better about yourself. When we can spot these patterns, we can start to change them. This article will walk you through 13 common signs that might show up when self-esteem is low. We’ll also talk about what you can do to start building a healthier relationship with yourself.

Table of Contents

What Is Low Self-Esteem and Why Should We Care?

Low self-esteem means having a poor opinion of yourself most of the time. It’s when your inner voice is more like a harsh critic than a supportive friend. People with low self-esteem often doubt their abilities and worth, even when they have plenty of evidence that they’re capable and valuable.

This matters more than you might think. Studies from medical experts at the Mayo Clinic show that low self-esteem can affect nearly every part of life. It impacts our relationships, job performance, and even our physical health.

The numbers tell a concerning story. Research indicates that about 70% of women and 56% of men report feeling inadequate or “not good enough” as a common feeling. Among teens, about 25% say low self-esteem negatively affects their daily lives. These aren’t just statistics – they represent real people struggling with their sense of worth.

When we understand what is self-esteem, we can better recognize when it needs attention. Self-esteem shapes how we talk to ourselves, what risks we’re willing to take, and how we respond when things don’t go as planned.

How Does Low Self-Esteem Usually Start?

Low self-esteem often starts early in life, but it can develop at any age. Childhood experiences play a big role. Kids who grow up hearing lots of criticism or who don’t get much encouragement might develop negative beliefs about themselves. These beliefs can stick around long after we’re adults.

Sometimes low self-esteem comes from specific experiences. Being bullied at school, struggling academically, or facing rejection can all contribute. Research shows that children with low self-esteem have a 35% higher chance of being bullied, which can make the problem worse.

Family dynamics matter too. If you grew up in a household where you felt like you couldn’t do anything right, those feelings might still be with you today. Some people recognize they have signs you grew up in a toxic family, which can help explain current struggles with self-worth.

Social media and cultural messages also play a role, especially for younger people. Constant comparison to others online can fuel feelings of inadequacy. Studies show that people who use social media for more than 2 hours daily have a higher risk of mental health issues, including poor self-esteem.

The good news is that self-esteem isn’t fixed. With awareness and effort, we can learn how to build self-esteem and develop a more positive relationship with ourselves.

1. Do You Constantly Put Yourself Down in Your Head?

One of the clearest signs of low self-esteem is harsh self-talk. If you find yourself thinking things like “I’m so stupid” or “I can’t do anything right,” you’re not alone. This inner critic can be loud and persistent.

Negative self-talk becomes automatic when self-esteem is low. You might catch yourself focusing on mistakes while ignoring successes. Or you might predict failure before even trying something new. This pattern reinforces low self-worth and makes it harder to take positive action.

The American Psychological Association notes that students with low self-esteem often doubt their ability to succeed, making them hesitant to engage in learning or take appropriate risks. This same pattern shows up in adults in the workplace and relationships.

Common negative self-talk patterns include:

Calling yourself names when you make mistakes
Assuming others think poorly of you
Focusing only on what went wrong in situations
Believing you don’t deserve good things
Predicting failure before trying new things

Breaking this pattern takes practice. Start by noticing when you’re being harsh with yourself. Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? Often, we’re much kinder to others than we are to ourselves.

2. Are You Afraid to Try New Things Because You Might Fail?

Fear of failure is another common sign of low self-esteem. When we don’t believe in our abilities, the thought of failing can feel overwhelming. This fear often stops us from trying new things or taking on challenges that could help us grow.

People with low self-esteem often see failure differently than others. Instead of viewing mistakes as learning opportunities, they see them as proof that they’re not good enough. Research shows that people with low self-esteem are 33% less likely to pursue their goals compared to those with higher self-worth.

This fear shows up in many ways:

Avoiding job interviews or promotions
Not trying new hobbies or activities
Staying in situations that aren’t working because change feels too risky
Procrastinating on important tasks
Making excuses to avoid challenges

The irony is that avoiding challenges often makes self-esteem worse. When we don’t try, we don’t succeed, which reinforces the belief that we can’t handle difficult things. Breaking this cycle requires taking small, manageable risks and celebrating progress along the way.

Sometimes this fear connects to past disappointments. If you’ve experienced significant letdowns, you might find comfort in quotes about strength in hard times to help build courage for new attempts.

3. Do You Have Trouble Accepting Compliments?

If someone says something nice about you, do you immediately think of reasons why they’re wrong? Difficulty accepting compliments is a telltale sign of low self-esteem. When our self-image is negative, positive feedback doesn’t match what we believe about ourselves.

Research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that low self-esteem directly relates to not being able to accept or use compliments from others. People with low self-worth often respond to compliments with suspicion or discomfort.

You might notice yourself:

Deflecting compliments with jokes or self-deprecating comments
Assuming people are just being polite when they say nice things
Focusing on the one criticism in a sea of praise
Feeling uncomfortable when others acknowledge your achievements
Turning compliments into reasons to criticize yourself

This happens because compliments clash with our internal beliefs. If you believe you’re not smart, hearing that you did great work creates internal conflict. The brain often resolves this by dismissing the positive feedback rather than updating the negative belief.

Learning to accept compliments is a skill that improves with practice. Start by simply saying “thank you” instead of arguing with or deflecting praise. You don’t have to believe it fully at first – just practice receiving positive feedback gracefully.

4. Do You Often Compare Yourself to Others and Come Up Short?

Social comparison is natural, but people with low self-esteem often engage in upward comparisons – constantly measuring themselves against people they see as better, smarter, or more successful. This pattern reinforces feelings of inadequacy and can make self-esteem worse.

The problem with constant comparison is that it’s rarely fair. We typically compare our behind-the-scenes struggles with other people’s highlight reels. Social media makes this worse by showing us curated versions of other people’s lives.

Studies show that individuals with low self-esteem are 30% more likely to experience social anxiety, often stemming from worry about how they measure up to others. This comparison habit can show up as:

Scrolling through social media and feeling worse about your life
Focusing on what others have that you don’t
Assuming everyone else has it figured out
Feeling like you’re falling behind your peers
Avoiding social situations where you might be compared to others

The comparison trap is particularly difficult because there will always be someone who seems to be doing better in some area. Instead of comparing, try focusing on your own growth and progress. Keep track of how far you’ve come rather than how far others have gone.

5. Do You Struggle to Ask for Help When You Need It?

Many people with low self-esteem have trouble asking for help. This might seem backwards – you’d think low confidence would make someone more likely to seek support. But often, low self-worth creates shame around needing assistance.

Research shows that about 60% of people with low self-esteem report feeling worthless, which can make asking for help feel like proof of inadequacy. You might worry that needing help confirms you’re not capable or that others will see you as weak or incompetent.

This shows up in various ways:

Struggling silently instead of reaching out to friends or family
Not asking questions in class or at work when you’re confused
Trying to figure everything out on your own
Feeling like you should be able to handle things without support
Worrying that asking for help will burden others

The truth is that asking for help is actually a sign of strength and self-awareness. It shows you can recognize your limits and take steps to learn and grow. Most people are happy to help when asked directly and respectfully.

If you’re dealing with family challenges, learning how to deal with toxic family members might help you understand when it’s appropriate to seek support outside your immediate family circle.

6. Do You Second-Guess Your Decisions Constantly?

Chronic self-doubt is another hallmark of low self-esteem. If you find yourself constantly questioning your choices – big and small – it might be a sign that you don’t trust your own judgment. This pattern can be exhausting and can prevent you from moving forward confidently.

People with low self-esteem often experience decision paralysis. Research indicates that nearly 60% of individuals with low self-esteem have difficulty making decisions. They might spend hours debating simple choices or constantly seek reassurance from others about their decisions.

This shows up as:

Asking multiple people for advice on the same decision
Changing your mind frequently
Worrying extensively about making the “wrong” choice
Avoiding decisions altogether when possible
Feeling anxious after making decisions, wondering if you chose correctly

Self-doubt often comes from past experiences where you felt you made poor choices or received criticism for your decisions. However, constantly second-guessing yourself prevents you from developing confidence in your judgment and can make decision-making even more difficult over time.

Building trust in your decision-making ability takes practice. Start with small, low-stakes decisions and notice that most choices work out fine or can be adjusted if needed.

7. Do You Take the Blame for Things That Aren’t Your Fault?

People with low self-esteem often take responsibility for things that aren’t actually their fault. This happens because when you already believe you’re not good enough, it’s easy to assume that problems are your doing. This pattern can strain relationships and increase feelings of guilt and shame.

This tendency might show up as:

Apologizing constantly, even for things beyond your control
Assuming you did something wrong when others seem upset
Taking blame in group situations to avoid conflict
Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions or reactions
Beating yourself up over circumstances you couldn’t control

The Mayo Clinic notes that people with low self-esteem often engage in “negative self-talk” where they blame themselves inappropriately. This pattern reinforces the belief that you’re responsible for bad things that happen.

Sometimes this connects to growing up in environments where you were blamed for things unfairly. If you recognize types of toxic family patterns in your background, this might explain the tendency to over-apologize or take inappropriate responsibility.

Learning appropriate boundaries around responsibility is important for mental health. You’re responsible for your actions and choices, but not for other people’s feelings, reactions, or the random events that life brings.

8. Do You Avoid Eye Contact and Slouch Your Shoulders?

Low self-esteem doesn’t just affect your thoughts – it shows up in your body language too. Physical signs can include poor posture, avoiding eye contact, and taking up less space. These behaviors often happen automatically when we don’t feel confident about ourselves.

Research shows that body language both reflects and influences how we feel about ourselves. When we slouch or avoid eye contact, it can actually make us feel less confident. Conversely, standing up straight and making appropriate eye contact can boost self-esteem.

Common physical signs include:

Slouching or hunching shoulders
Avoiding eye contact during conversations
Crossing arms defensively
Taking up minimal space when sitting or standing
Fidgeting or nervous habits
Speaking quietly or mumbling
Rarely smiling genuinely

These physical patterns often develop as protection mechanisms. When we don’t feel good about ourselves, we might unconsciously try to make ourselves less visible or noticeable. However, these behaviors can send signals to others that we’re not confident, which might affect how they interact with us.

The good news is that changing body language can help improve how you feel. Simple changes like standing up straight, making more eye contact, and uncrossing your arms can boost confidence over time.

9. Do You Try to Please Everyone, Even at Your Own Expense?

People-pleasing is strongly connected to low self-esteem. When we don’t feel inherently valuable, we might try to earn worth by making others happy. Research from a 2022 YouGov poll found that about 49% of American adults identify as people-pleasers.

People-pleasing often stems from fear of rejection or conflict. If you believe that saying “no” or having different opinions will make people dislike you, you might agree to things you don’t want to do or suppress your own needs and preferences.

This pattern shows up as:

Saying “yes” to requests even when you’re overwhelmed
Avoiding conflict by agreeing even when you disagree
Putting others’ needs consistently before your own
Feeling guilty when you prioritize yourself
Having trouble expressing your true opinions or preferences
Staying in situations that don’t serve you to avoid disappointing others

Studies show that people-pleasing can lead to mental and physical health problems including resentment, frustration, anger, and stress-related symptoms. The Psychology Today research indicates that people-pleasing behavior often results in the opposite of what we’re trying to achieve – instead of gaining approval, it can lead to relationships where others don’t respect our boundaries.

Learning to set healthy boundaries is crucial for building self-esteem. You can be kind and considerate while still honoring your own needs and preferences.

10. Do You Focus Only on Your Mistakes and Ignore Your Successes?

Mental filtering – focusing primarily on negative experiences while overlooking positive ones – is common among people with low self-esteem. You might remember every criticism but forget compliments, or dwell on the one thing that went wrong while ignoring everything that went right.

This selective attention reinforces negative beliefs about yourself. When you consistently focus on failures and overlook successes, your brain gets more evidence that you’re not capable or worthy. Research shows this pattern can contribute to depression and anxiety.

You might notice this as:

Replaying embarrassing or disappointing moments repeatedly
Dismissing achievements as “lucky” or “not that important”
Focusing on the one negative comment in a positive review
Remembering failures vividly while successes feel forgettable
Assuming that the good things that happen to you are flukes

This pattern often develops as a protection mechanism. If you expect the worst, disappointment might hurt less. However, mental filtering prevents you from building confidence through recognizing your actual accomplishments and strengths.

Balancing your mental focus takes conscious effort. Try keeping a record of positive experiences, compliments, and achievements. When you notice yourself dwelling on negatives, actively recall recent positives to create a more balanced perspective.

Social avoidance is another common sign of low self-esteem. When you don’t feel good about yourself, social situations can feel threatening. You might worry about being judged, saying something wrong, or not being interesting enough.

Research indicates that 55% of individuals with low self-esteem avoid social interactions, leading to isolation. This creates a difficult cycle – avoiding social situations prevents you from having positive social experiences that could build confidence.

Social avoidance might look like:

Declining invitations to parties, gatherings, or events
Staying quiet in group conversations
Avoiding networking opportunities at work
Feeling anxious before social events
Making excuses to leave social situations early
Preferring online interactions to face-to-face meetings

This avoidance often comes from fear of rejection or embarrassment. If you believe others will find you boring, stupid, or unlikable, social situations feel risky. The problem is that avoiding social connections makes these fears seem more realistic and prevents you from developing social confidence.

If you’re struggling with social anxiety related to self-esteem, you might find support in motivational quotes for students to work hard as a reminder that growth happens when we push through discomfort.

12. Do You Feel Like Nothing You Do Is Ever Good Enough?

Perfectionism and low self-esteem often go hand in hand. When you don’t feel inherently valuable, you might believe that only perfect performance can make you worthy. This creates an impossible standard that guarantees disappointment and reinforces negative self-beliefs.

This “never good enough” feeling shows up as:

Setting unrealistically high standards for yourself
Feeling disappointed even when others are pleased with your work
Procrastinating because you’re afraid you can’t do something perfectly
Spending excessive time on tasks to make them “perfect”
Feeling like your efforts are meaningless if they’re not exceptional
Criticizing yourself harshly for normal human mistakes

Research shows that perfectionism connected to self-worth can increase anxiety and depression. When your value as a person feels tied to flawless performance, every mistake becomes a threat to your identity.

The truth is that “good enough” is often actually good enough. Most situations don’t require perfection, and mistakes are normal parts of learning and growth. Sometimes we need reminders that everything will be fine quotes can help us maintain perspective when perfectionist tendencies create anxiety.

13. Do You Have Trouble Setting Boundaries with Others?

Difficulty setting boundaries often connects to low self-esteem. If you don’t feel inherently valuable, you might struggle to advocate for your needs, time, or preferences. This can lead to feeling taken advantage of or resentful in relationships.

Boundary issues show up as:

Having trouble saying “no” to requests
Allowing others to treat you disrespectfully
Not speaking up when your needs aren’t being met
Feeling guilty for having preferences or requirements
Tolerating behavior that makes you uncomfortable
Giving more in relationships than you receive

Research indicates that people with low self-esteem often feel they don’t deserve respect or consideration from others. This belief makes it difficult to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships, work situations, and family dynamics.

Healthy boundaries aren’t selfish – they’re necessary for sustainable relationships and mental health. When you set appropriate boundaries, you teach others how to treat you and create space for relationships based on mutual respect rather than one-sided giving.

If you’re dealing with challenging family relationships, understanding disappointment quotes about bad parents might help you process feelings while working on establishing healthier boundaries.

Physical Signs Your Body Shows When Self-Esteem Is Low

Low self-esteem doesn’t just live in your head – it affects your whole body. Medical research shows that chronic stress from negative self-perception can manifest in physical symptoms. The Cleveland Clinic reports that low self-esteem can contribute to various health issues.

Physical signs might include:

Chronic fatigue from emotional stress
Frequent headaches or tension
Sleep problems or insomnia
Changes in appetite or eating patterns
Muscle tension, especially in the shoulders and neck
Digestive issues related to stress
Frequent minor illnesses due to stress affecting the immune function

About 42% of people with low self-esteem report frequent health-related stress complaints. Additionally, 55% experience sleep disturbances, which can further impact mood and self-perception.

Your posture and movement patterns also reflect inner feelings. Poor posture, minimal gesturing, and taking up little space can both reflect and reinforce low self-worth. The good news is that changing physical habits can help improve how you feel about yourself.

The Real Impact of Low Self-Esteem on Your Life

Understanding how low self-esteem affects different areas of life helps motivate positive change. Research shows connections between low self-worth and various life challenges.

65% of people with low self-esteem report frequent relationship conflicts
Difficulty forming deep, authentic connections
Higher rates of staying in unhealthy relationships
Challenges with intimacy and vulnerability

Career and Achievement

45% more likely to experience job dissatisfaction
Less likely to pursue promotions or new opportunities
Difficulty negotiating salary or advocating for professional needs
Imposter syndrome and self-doubt in professional settings

Mental Health

Strong correlation with depression and anxiety disorders
Higher risk of substance abuse as coping mechanism
Increased likelihood of eating disorders
30% of adults with low self-esteem report suicidal thoughts during stress

Physical Health

Chronic stress from negative self-perception affects immune function
Higher rates of stress-related physical symptoms
Less likely to seek medical care due to feelings of unworthiness
Poor self-care habits that impact overall health

How to Start Building Better Self-Esteem

The good news is that self-esteem can improve with consistent effort and the right strategies. Research shows that cognitive behavioral therapy has about a 60% effectiveness rate for treating low self-esteem, and there are many things you can do on your own to start feeling better about yourself.

Start Small and Be Patient

Building self-esteem is like strengthening a muscle – it takes time and consistent effort. Start with small changes rather than trying to transform everything at once. Celebrate small wins and be patient with the process.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Notice when you’re being harsh with yourself and ask if you’d talk to a friend that way. Try to find more balanced, realistic ways to think about situations and your role in them.

Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d show a good friend. This means acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes and struggles sometimes – it’s part of being human.

Set Achievable Goals

Success builds confidence. Set goals that stretch you slightly but are achievable with effort. As you accomplish these goals, your confidence in your abilities will grow.

Take Care of Your Body

The Mayo Clinic emphasizes that physical self-care supports mental health. Regular exercise, good nutrition, and adequate sleep all contribute to better mood and self-perception.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Spend time with people who appreciate and encourage you. Distance yourself from those who consistently criticize or bring you down. Sometimes this means learning how to communicate better in relationships to build stronger connections.

Practice New Skills

Developing competence in areas that matter to you builds genuine confidence. Whether it’s learning a new hobby, developing professional skills, or improving personal abilities, growth creates evidence of your capabilities.

When to Seek Professional Help

While many people can improve their self-esteem through self-help strategies, sometimes professional support is beneficial or necessary. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if:

Low self-esteem significantly interferes with your daily life
You experience persistent depression or anxiety
Self-esteem issues affect your ability to work or maintain relationships
You have thoughts of self-harm or suicide
Self-help strategies haven’t helped after consistent effort
You’re using substances to cope with negative feelings about yourself

Therapists can provide specialized techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy, which has strong research support for improving self-esteem. They can also help address underlying issues that contribute to low self-worth.

Frequently Asked Questions About Signs of Low Self-Esteem:

Can low self-esteem be completely cured?

Yes, low self-esteem can significantly improve with effort and appropriate support. While building self-esteem takes time, many people develop healthy self-regard through therapy, self-help strategies, and life experiences that challenge negative beliefs about themselves.

Is low self-esteem a mental illness?

No, low self-esteem itself isn’t a mental illness, but it’s often connected to mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. It can also make these conditions worse if left unaddressed.

How long does it take to improve self-esteem?

The timeline varies greatly depending on individual circumstances, the severity of self-esteem issues, and the consistency of effort. Some people notice improvements within weeks of implementing changes, while others may need months or years of consistent work.

Can social media cause low self-esteem?

Yes, research shows that excessive social media use, particularly comparing yourself to others online, can contribute to low self-esteem. However, social media itself isn’t inherently harmful – it depends on how you use it.

Does low self-esteem run in families?

Low self-esteem can have family patterns due to learned behaviors, parenting styles, and family dynamics, but it’s not directly inherited. Children often learn self-perception patterns from their family environment.

Can exercise really help with self-esteem?

Yes, regular exercise has been shown to improve self-esteem through multiple mechanisms including improved physical health, accomplishment feelings, stress reduction, and the release of mood-boosting chemicals in the brain.

Is it possible to have too much self-esteem?

Yes, extremely high self-esteem that’s unrealistic or comes at others’ expense can be problematic. Healthy self-esteem involves accurate self-assessment, confidence balanced with humility, and respect for others.

How do I know if my child has low self-esteem?

Signs in children include excessive criticism of themselves, reluctance to try new things, frequent statements like “I can’t do it,” withdrawal from social activities, and sensitivity to criticism or mistakes.

Moving Forward: Your Journey to Better Self-Worth

Recognizing signs of low self-esteem is an important first step, but remember that awareness alone doesn’t create change. Building healthier self-regard requires consistent effort, patience with yourself, and often support from others.

Start where you are right now. You don’t need to address every sign at once or make dramatic life changes immediately. Pick one or two areas that resonate most with you and begin there. Maybe it’s practicing accepting compliments gracefully, or perhaps it’s challenging negative self-talk when you notice it.

Remember that setbacks are normal parts of growth. There will be days when old patterns feel stronger, and that’s okay. What matters is getting back on track rather than giving up entirely. Building self-esteem is like any other skill – it improves with practice.

Consider keeping a record of your progress. Notice when you handle situations differently than you used to, when you speak to yourself more kindly, or when you take appropriate risks. These small changes add up over time to create meaningful transformation.

If you recognize several of these signs in yourself, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. Low self-esteem is common and changeable. With awareness, effort, and patience, you can develop a more positive and realistic relationship with yourself. Sometimes the journey includes processing difficult experiences through healing from disappointment quotes or finding strength in challenging times.

Your worth isn’t determined by your achievements, others’ opinions, or past mistakes. You deserve to feel good about who you are, and taking steps to build healthier self-esteem is an investment in every area of your life. Start today, start small, but start somewhere. Your future self will thank you for the effort you put in now.