What is Self-Esteem and Why Does It Matter for Your Mental Health?

October 14, 2025 deskablog 22 min read

We’ve all had those moments when we look in the mirror and don’t like what we see. Maybe it’s a bad hair day, or perhaps we’re beating ourselves up over a mistake at work. These moments hit us hard because they touch something deep inside – our self-esteem.

Self-esteem isn’t just about feeling good about yourself. It’s the foundation of how we navigate through life, make decisions, and form relationships. When your self-esteem is healthy, you face challenges with confidence. When it’s low, even simple tasks can feel overwhelming.

Let’s explore what self-esteem really means, how it develops, and most importantly, how you can strengthen it naturally.

Table of Contents

What Exactly is Self-Esteem in Simple Terms?

Self-esteem is how much you value yourself as a person. Think of it as your personal scorecard for self-worth. It’s not about being arrogant or thinking you’re better than others. It’s about knowing you matter and deserve respect – from yourself and others.

When we have healthy self-esteem, we accept ourselves even when we mess up. We know we’re not perfect, and that’s okay. We treat ourselves with the same kindness we’d show a good friend.

Research shows that 85% of people struggle with self-esteem issues at some point in their lives Understanding Self-Esteem: Key Research Findings Explained. You’re definitely not alone if you’re reading this and nodding your head.

Dr. Morris Rosenberg, who created the most widely used self-esteem measurement tool, described it simply: “Self-esteem is a positive or negative attitude toward oneself.” It’s that inner voice that says either “I’m okay” or “I’m not good enough.”

How Does Self-Esteem Differ from Self-Confidence and Self-Worth?

This is where many of us get confused. We use these terms like they mean the same thing, but they’re actually different pieces of the same puzzle.

Self-confidence is about trusting your abilities in specific situations. You might be confident in your cooking skills, but lack confidence in public speaking. It’s situational – you can be confident in one area and not another.

Self-worth goes deeper. It’s your fundamental belief that you have value simply because you exist. It’s not based on what you do or achieve. You have worth just by being human.

Self-esteem sits in the middle. It’s your overall evaluation of yourself based on both your abilities and your inherent value. Think of it this way:

Self-worth: “I matter because I’m alive”
Self-confidence: “I can do this specific thing well”
Self-esteem: “I generally feel good about who I am as a person”

When we understand these differences, we can work on building each one separately. You might boost your self-confidence by practicing skills while working on self-worth through therapy or self-reflection.

What Are the Main Types of Self-Esteem?

We’ve discovered that self-esteem isn’t just high or low – it comes in different flavors. Understanding these types helps us recognize our own patterns and work on improving them.

High Self-Esteem feels like having a steady friend inside your head. You generally like yourself, accept your flaws, and bounce back from setbacks. But here’s what most people don’t know – there are actually two types of high self-esteem:

Secure high self-esteem is stable and lasting. You feel good about yourself consistently, even when life gets tough.
Fragile high self-esteem depends on success and external validation. You feel great when things go well, but crash hard when they don’t.

Low Self-Esteem shows up as constant self-doubt. You criticize yourself harshly, focus on your flaws, and struggle to accept compliments. It’s exhausting and affects everything from your relationships to your career choices.

Inflated Self-Esteem might look like confidence on the outside, but it’s actually overcompensation for deep insecurity. People with inflated self-esteem often brag, put others down, or can’t handle any criticism.

The interesting thing? We can have different types in different areas of our lives. You might have high self-esteem about your intelligence but low self-esteem about your appearance. That’s normal and actually pretty common.

How Do Psychologists Measure Self-Esteem?

You might wonder how researchers actually measure something as personal as self-esteem. After all, we can’t just look at someone and know how they feel about themselves.

The most common tool is the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale, created in 1965. It asks you to rate yourself on 10 simple statements like “I feel I have some good qualities” and “I wish I could have more respect for myself.” You answer on a scale from “strongly agree” to “strongly disagree.”

Here’s what makes this scale interesting: half the statements are positive, and half are negative. This helps catch people who might just answer in a particular pattern. Your total score tells researchers whether you have high, medium, or low self-esteem.

The Coopersmith Self-Esteem Inventory takes a different approach with 50 statements where you choose “like me” or “not like me.” It breaks self-esteem into subcategories like social, academic, and family self-esteem.

But here’s something important to understand: these tests aren’t perfect. They rely on self-reporting, which means you have to be honest with yourself. Plus, how you feel about yourself can change depending on your mood, recent events, or even the time of day.

That’s why psychologists often combine these scales with other methods, like observing behavior or asking about specific situations.

What Factors Shape Your Self-Esteem Development?

Your self-esteem doesn’t just appear out of nowhere – it’s built piece by piece throughout your life, like a puzzle coming together. We’ve identified several key factors that influence how you see yourself:

Childhood experiences lay the foundation. When parents and caregivers respond to your needs consistently, you learn that you’re worthy of love and attention. If you grew up in a toxic family environment, it might have affected how you value yourself today.

Personality traits play a role too. Some people are naturally more optimistic or resilient, which helps them maintain positive self-esteem even when facing challenges.

Life experiences – both good and bad – shape your self-view. Successes build confidence, while failures can chip away at your self-esteem if you don’t process them healthily.

Social comparison is huge in our connected world. We constantly compare ourselves to others on social media, at work, or in our social circles. These comparisons can either boost or damage our self-esteem depending on how we interpret them.

Cultural background matters more than you might think. In individualistic cultures like the United States, personal achievement heavily influences self-esteem. In collectivist cultures, group harmony and relationships might matter more.

Research from 2024 shows that social media use correlates strongly with lower self-esteem, especially in teenagers and young adults. The constant comparison to curated, perfect-looking lives creates unrealistic standards that few can meet Self-esteem and social media addiction level in adolescents.

What Are the Signs of Healthy vs Unhealthy Self-Esteem?

Recognizing where you stand with your self-esteem is the first step toward improving it. Here’s what we’ve observed in our research and personal experience:

Healthy Self-Esteem looks like:

You accept compliments without deflecting them
You can admit when you’re wrong without beating yourself up
You set boundaries in relationships
You take calculated risks because failure doesn’t define you
You celebrate others’ success without feeling threatened
You practice self-compassion when you make mistakes

Unhealthy Self-Esteem shows up as:

Constant self-criticism, even for small mistakes
Difficulty making decisions because you don’t trust yourself
People-pleasing at the expense of your own needs
Comparing yourself negatively to others constantly
Rejecting compliments or downplaying achievements
Feeling like an imposter even when you succeed

Here’s a simple way to check in with yourself: Notice how you talk to yourself when something goes wrong. If you wouldn’t say those words to a good friend, your self-esteem might need some attention.

Interestingly, self-esteem typically drops during adolescence, particularly for girls, then gradually rises throughout adulthood until it peaks around age 60 Self-Esteem Development Across the Lifespan. Understanding this pattern can help us be more patient with ourselves during different life stages.

How Does Self-Esteem Affect Your Daily Life?

Your self-esteem is like the operating system of your life – it runs in the background and affects everything you do. We’ve seen how it touches every aspect of daily living:

In relationships, low self-esteem can make you tolerate mistreatment because you think you don’t deserve better. You might stay in toxic relationships or struggle with setting boundaries. On the flip side, healthy self-esteem helps you choose partners who treat you well and maintain respectful friendships.

At work, your self-esteem influences how you handle criticism, advocate for yourself, and pursue opportunities. People with healthy self-esteem are more likely to ask for raises, speak up in meetings, and take on challenging projects. Those with low self-esteem might avoid visibility or stay in jobs they hate because they don’t believe they can do better.

Mental health takes a direct hit from poor self-esteem. Research shows that low self-esteem predicts higher rates of depression, anxiety, and stress-related disorders. It’s not just feeling bad about yourself – it can lead to serious mental health challenges that require professional help.

Physical health connections might surprise you. People with low self-esteem often neglect their health, skip doctor appointments, or engage in harmful behaviors like smoking or excessive drinking. They might not feel “worth” taking care of themselves.

Financial decisions reflect self-esteem too. You might overspend to feel better about yourself, or undersell your services because you don’t believe you’re worth more money. These patterns can create long-term financial stress that further damages self-worth.

The research is clear: high self-esteem at baseline predicts fewer symptoms of mental disorders over time The Influence of Self Esteem and Body Image on the Mental Health. This means building your self-esteem isn’t just about feeling good – it’s about protecting your mental health for the long term.

How Can You Improve Your Self-Esteem Naturally?

Building better self-esteem isn’t about positive thinking or pretending everything’s perfect. It’s about developing real, practical habits that support a healthier relationship with yourself. Here are strategies we’ve found that actually work:

Practice self-compassion first. When you mess up, talk to yourself like you would to a good friend. Instead of “I’m such an idiot,” try “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t define me.” This simple shift takes practice, but it fundamentally changes how you relate to yourself.

Set small, achievable goals. Success builds confidence. Start with goals you can actually reach – like walking for 10 minutes daily or calling one friend each week. Each accomplishment reinforces your capability.

Challenge negative self-talk. Notice when you’re being harsh with yourself. Ask: “Is this thought true? Is it helpful? Would I say this to someone I care about?” Often, our inner critic is way harsher than reality.

Build competence in areas you care about. Take a class, learn a skill, or volunteer for something meaningful. When you develop abilities, you naturally feel better about yourself. It doesn’t have to be world-changing – even learning to cook a new recipe counts.

Surround yourself with supportive people. The people around us greatly influence how we see ourselves. If you’re dealing with toxic family members, it might be time to set boundaries and seek out healthier relationships.

Exercise regularly. Physical activity releases endorphins and improves body image. It doesn’t mean you need to become a gym rat – even dancing in your living room or taking walks helps.

Limit social media comparison. We all know social media shows the highlight reel, not real life. Try unfollowing accounts that make you feel inadequate and follow people who inspire and uplift you instead.

Practice gratitude daily. Each night, write down three things you did well that day. They can be tiny – “I got out of bed when I didn’t feel like it” counts. This trains your brain to notice your strengths.

Seek professional help when needed. Sometimes low self-esteem has deep roots that need professional attention. Therapy can be incredibly helpful for working through past experiences that damaged your self-worth.

Remember, building self-esteem is like growing a garden – it takes time, consistent care, and patience with yourself through the seasons.

What Role Do Relationships Play in Self-Esteem?

We’re social creatures, and the people in our lives profoundly shape how we see ourselves. From childhood through adulthood, relationships act like mirrors reflecting back messages about our worth.

Family relationships form the foundation. If you grew up hearing criticism or experiencing conditional love, you might internalize the belief that you’re not good enough. Many people struggle with healing from family disappointment well into adulthood. The good news? You can rewrite these narratives through awareness and intentional work.

Romantic relationships can either boost or damage your self-esteem. Partners who support your growth, respect your boundaries, and celebrate your successes help you feel valued. Relationships filled with criticism, control, or neglect chip away at your self-worth over time.

Friendships matter more than we often realize. True friends see your worth even when you can’t. They remind you of your strengths when you’re doubting yourself and call you out (lovingly) when you’re being too hard on yourself.

Research from 2024 shows that social support and positive relationships protect mental health and boost self-esteem, especially during challenging times National Health Statistics Reports, Number 206, July 16, 2024.

Work relationships also influence your self-view. Supportive colleagues and supervisors who recognize your contributions help you see your professional value. Toxic work environments filled with competition or criticism can make you question your abilities and worth.

Here’s something we’ve learned: You can’t build healthy self-esteem while surrounded by people who constantly undermine you. Sometimes, letting go of toxic relationships is necessary for your mental health and self-worth.

If you’ve ever felt worse about yourself after scrolling through Instagram, you’re not imagining it. Social media has fundamentally changed how we compare ourselves to others, and the impact on our self-esteem is significant.

The comparison trap is real and dangerous. We see carefully curated highlight reels of other people’s lives – their perfect bodies, dream vacations, loving relationships, and career successes. What we don’t see are their struggles, failures, or everyday, mundane moments. This creates unrealistic standards that make our normal lives feel inadequate.

Research confirms what many of us feel: participants who used Facebook more had lower self-esteem compared with less frequent users The relationships between social media use and factors relating to self-esteem. The more time we spend scrolling, the worse we tend to feel about ourselves.

Body image takes a particular hit from social media exposure. Studies show that social media use increases eating disorders and body dysmorphia while decreasing self-esteem, especially among young women Changes in Women’s Self-Esteem in the Social Media Age.

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) creates anxiety and makes us feel like we’re not living life to the fullest. When everyone else’s life looks more exciting, our own experiences can feel boring or inadequate.

But here’s what we need to remember: Social media shows the best 5% of people’s lives, not the reality. That influencer’s perfect photo probably took 50 shots and extensive editing. The couple celebrating their anniversary doesn’t post about their arguments or difficult patches.

Practical strategies for healthier social media use:

Limit your daily scrolling time
Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate
Follow people who inspire and educate rather than just impress
Remember that likes don’t equal worth
Take regular breaks from social platforms
Focus on creating real-life experiences rather than just documenting them

The goal isn’t to completely avoid social media – it’s about using it consciously and remembering that your worth isn’t determined by your online presence or how many likes you get.

Self-Esteem Across Different Life Stages

Understanding how self-esteem naturally changes throughout life can help us be more compassionate with ourselves during different phases. Research tracking people from age 4 to 94 reveals fascinating patterns:

Childhood (Ages 4-8) starts high but drops as children develop self-awareness. Kids realize they’re not perfect, and this understanding can shake their confidence. It’s actually a normal part of development.

Adolescence brings the biggest self-esteem challenges, especially for girls. Bodies change, social pressures increase, and academic demands grow. During this period, self-esteem typically hits its lowest point, but it’s also when we develop crucial coping skills.

Young Adulthood sees gradual improvement as we establish independence, careers, and relationships. Each success builds confidence, though setbacks can still feel devastating.

Middle Adulthood generally shows the steadiest self-esteem. Most people have established their identity, achieved some life goals, and developed resilience from overcoming challenges.

Late Adulthood can bring new challenges as health issues arise and roles change. However, research shows self-esteem remains stable through the 60s before beginning a gradual decline in very old age.

Here’s what’s encouraging: These are general trends, not destiny. Your self-esteem journey is unique and can be influenced by many factors within your control.

Practical Exercises to Build Self-Esteem Daily

Let’s get specific about what you can actually do to improve your self-esteem. These aren’t just theories – they’re practical exercises that work when practiced consistently:

Morning Self-Esteem Routine (5 minutes):

Look in the mirror and say one kind thing about yourself
Write down one thing you’re looking forward to
Set a small intention for the day

Evening Reflection (3 minutes):

List three things you did well today (no matter how small)
Acknowledge one challenge you handled
Thank yourself for making it through the day

Weekly Confidence Builder:

Try something new, even if it’s tiny
Contact someone you care about
Do one thing that scares you slightly

Monthly Growth Check:

Review your progress on personal goals
Celebrate wins, learn from setbacks
Adjust your approach based on what you’ve learned

The “Friend Test” for Self-Talk: When you catch yourself being harsh, ask: “Would I say this to a friend in the same situation?” If not, rephrase it with the kindness you’d show someone you care about.

Body Neutrality Practice: Instead of criticizing your appearance, focus on what your body does for you. “My legs carried me through today” feels better than “My thighs are too big.”

These exercises work because they’re consistent and realistic. You don’t need to feel amazing about yourself every day – you just need to keep showing up and treating yourself with basic respect.

When to Seek Professional Help for Self-Esteem Issues

Sometimes self-help isn’t enough, and that’s completely okay. Professional support can make a huge difference, especially if:

Your low self-esteem is linked to past trauma or abuse
You’re experiencing depression or anxiety alongside self-esteem issues
Your relationships are suffering because of how you feel about yourself
You’re engaging in harmful behaviors like substance abuse or self-harm
You’ve tried self-help strategies without improvement

Mental health professionals can help you understand the roots of your self-esteem issues and develop personalized strategies for healing. Therapy provides a safe space to explore difficult experiences and learn new ways of thinking about yourself.

Different types of therapy can help with self-esteem:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps identify and change negative thought patterns
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) focuses on accepting yourself while working toward valued goals
Psychodynamic therapy explores how past experiences influence current self-perception
Group therapy provides support and perspective from others with similar struggles

Remember, seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s taking control of your mental health and future happiness.

The Connection Between Self-Esteem and Success

We’ve all heard that you need confidence to succeed, but the relationship between self-esteem and achievement is more complex than it might seem. Here’s what research and experience teach us:

High self-esteem doesn’t guarantee success, but it does affect how you handle both success and failure. People with healthy self-esteem are more resilient when facing setbacks because they don’t take failure as a personal indictment.

Success can boost self-esteem, but it’s not the only path. External achievements like promotions or awards provide temporary confidence boosts, but they don’t create lasting self-worth. That’s why some very successful people still struggle with feeling inadequate.

The real power comes from combining self-acceptance with growth. When you accept yourself as you are while still working toward improvement, you create sustainable confidence that isn’t shaken by every setback.

Practical application: Focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate small wins. Learn from failures without letting them define you. Build skills and competence in areas that matter to you personally, not just what society values.

Maintaining Healthy Self-Esteem Long-Term

Building self-esteem isn’t a one-time project – it’s an ongoing practice. Here’s how to maintain your progress over the long haul:

Create systems, not just goals. Instead of aiming to “feel better about myself,” set up daily practices that support self-esteem: regular exercise, positive self-talk, time with supportive people, and activities that build competence.

Expect ups and downs. Your self-esteem will naturally fluctuate with life events, health changes, and stress levels. This is normal and doesn’t mean you’re failing. Have strategies ready for difficult times.

Build a support network. Surround yourself with people who see your worth and remind you of it when you forget. Reciprocate by supporting them too – helping others often boosts our own self-esteem.

Keep learning and growing. Take classes, read books, try new hobbies. Continuous learning keeps your mind engaged and builds competence, which naturally enhances self-esteem.

Regular check-ins. Set aside time monthly or quarterly to assess how you’re feeling about yourself. Adjust your strategies as needed. What’s working? What’s not? What needs to change?

Practice forgiveness. You’ll have setbacks. You’ll fall into old patterns. That’s okay. Forgive yourself and start again. Each time you begin again, you reinforce your resilience.

Frequently Asked Questions About Self-Esteem

Can low self-esteem be completely cured?

Yes, but it’s more accurate to say it can be significantly improved and managed rather than “cured.” Self-esteem is like physical fitness – you build it through consistent practice and maintain it through ongoing habits. Many people transform their self-esteem through therapy, personal growth work, and lifestyle changes.

Is high self-esteem always healthy?

No. There’s a difference between healthy high self-esteem and narcissistic or defensive self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem includes self-compassion, humility, and the ability to acknowledge flaws. Inflated or arrogant self-views can actually indicate fragile self-esteem underneath.

How long does it take to improve self-esteem?

It varies, but most people notice small improvements within 4-6 weeks of consistent effort. Significant changes typically take 3-6 months of dedicated practice. Deep-rooted issues from childhood or trauma might take longer and benefit from professional help.

Can medication help with self-esteem issues?

Medication doesn’t directly improve self-esteem, but it can help with underlying conditions like depression or anxiety that contribute to low self-worth. When mental health symptoms improve through medication, it becomes easier to work on building self-esteem through therapy and self-help strategies.

Should parents worry about their child’s self-esteem?

Yes, but worrying isn’t helpful – awareness and action are. Children’s self-esteem develops based on how they’re treated and the messages they receive about their worth. Parents can help by providing unconditional love, setting appropriate boundaries, and modeling healthy self-esteem themselves.

Is social media always bad for self-esteem?

No, but it requires conscious use. Social media can connect us with supportive communities, provide opportunities for self-expression, and help maintain relationships. The key is being aware of how different platforms and accounts affect you and adjusting your usage accordingly.

Can exercise really improve self-esteem?

Yes, research consistently shows that regular physical activity boosts self-esteem through multiple mechanisms: improved body image, sense of accomplishment, stress reduction, and social connection. Even gentle exercise like walking or yoga can help.

What’s the difference between self-esteem and being selfish?

Healthy self-esteem actually makes you less selfish because you’re secure enough to give to others without feeling depleted. People with low self-esteem sometimes act selfishly out of insecurity or fear of not having enough. Self-esteem is about self-respect, not self-centeredness.

Can reading self-help books really improve self-esteem?

Yes, if you actually apply what you learn. Reading without action won’t change much. The most effective approach combines reading with practical exercises, reflection, and real-world application. Consider journaling about what you read and tracking your progress.

Is low self-esteem a mental illness?

No, low self-esteem itself isn’t classified as a mental illness, but it’s strongly associated with mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. Improving self-esteem often helps reduce symptoms of these conditions.

Final Thoughts: Your Self-Esteem Journey Starts Now

Here’s what we’ve learned together: Your self-esteem isn’t fixed – it’s something you can actively work on and improve. It affects every area of your life, from relationships to career to mental health. But most importantly, you deserve to feel good about who you are.

Building healthy self-esteem isn’t about becoming perfect or never having self-doubt. It’s about developing a more compassionate, realistic relationship with yourself. It’s knowing that you’re worthy of love and respect, even when you mess up or fall short of your goals.

The journey might feel overwhelming sometimes, especially if you’ve struggled with low self-worth for years. But remember: every small step counts. Every time you choose self-compassion over self-criticism, you build a little more resilience. Every supportive relationship you nurture strengthens your foundation. Every challenge you face with courage adds to your confidence.

You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to supportive friends, consider therapy if you need it, and keep learning about what helps you feel better about yourself. The resources and strategies we’ve shared are starting points – find what works for you and make it your own.

Your next step: Choose one strategy from this article and try it today. Maybe it’s writing down three things you did well, or reaching out to someone who lifts you up, or simply speaking to yourself with a little more kindness. Small actions, consistently practiced, create big changes over time.

Remember, you’re already worthy of love and respect – not because of what you achieve or how you look, but simply because you’re human. Building self-esteem is just about learning to see and honor that worth.

Start your self-esteem building journey today – your future self will thank you for taking this step toward a more confident, fulfilling life.